I saw something on TV the other day that really bugged me. It got me thinking. There's stuff I see on TV that just bugs me and I think I need to share.
James Bond. Specifically, Sean Connery as James Bond. I know, I know, I can hear the hissing and booing from here.
"He's the best James Bond of all time," you say.
Really? In that outfit?
What exactly is Her Majesty's Secret Service?
I could forgive the bad rug. Don't act like you didn't know Sean Connery wears a piece.
But, a baby blue, terry cloth, shorty short jumper? Come on, now...007 shouldn't have camel toe. A sad fact I didn't even think possible.
Although, as I type this it occurs to me that I might be missing the point. It calls to mind another James. James Earl Jones. As in, Sean Connery must have balls the size of James Earl Jones' to parade around in this outfit.
No, I take that back. If he did, we'd see 'em.
I don't really don't need to be acquainted with James Bond's junk, shaken or stirred.
Cher's 2013 Tour.
Now, I love Cher. Back in the day, she was my soul-sistah. I still know all the words to Half-Breed and have been known to sing them, loud, in my car.
Her Farewell Tour in the 90's lasted five years. And, turns out, she was just kidding.
As much as I love her, I've got to beg...please, please, enough with the see through spandex. Double sided, heavy duty Spanx aren't attractive.
My son (who will not speak to me after he reads this) says, "If you didn't know how old she was, you'd think she looked great."
Well, I do know how old she is. She's 150. I know because I'm 151. I get she's trying to Turn Back Time. Aren't we all.
When you look like you jumped off the table mid-embalming, it's time to wrap it up. And I don't mean in glitter.
Christopher Hitchens is dead but the Kardashians keep multiplying.
The world is worse off because both of these things are true.
If you stuck your religious neck out or took the moral high ground Hitch could set you straight with a perfect, stinging, fatally true sentence.
Who else could write, "The Missionary Position-Mother Theresa in Theory and Practice?" A smart, thoughtful and painful rebuke of the world's most revered Saint. Who wouldn't love him for that alone?
Christopher Hitchens remained an atheist to his dying breath. He knew how to commit.
Tiger Woods' Comeback.
Not gonna happen. Look at this jerk off. Who but a jerk off would take a picture like this?
The man with the world's worst taste in women isn't coming back. In fact, he should just go away.
I think there's a waitress at Denny's with his name on her. My apologies to all waitresses at Denny's.
I was gonna do five annoyances, but I figure this is enough irritating bullshit for one day. Please be warned, if you irritate me, I will blog about it.