KATHLEEN O'DONNELL
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No...It Can't Be That Part I

9/24/2013

8 Comments

 
Picture
Sadly, we're back from Italy and back to real life. Which for me includes hip surgery, for the 2nd time. Actually, for the 3rd and 4th time since I had both hips operated on about three years ago. They won't do them at the same time so it was two separate go rounds, three months apart.

It turns out I haven't gotten any younger in the intervening years and here I am again. Considering how it all went the first time, I'm living in dread. 

Three years ago, my health care would've been better delivered by Larry, Moe and Curly.

Me: I think it's my hip.

Doc: Hmmm...

Me (pressing down on a spot that is best described as my pelvis, lower inner thigh): I think it's my "inside" hip.

Doc: No, I think it's your ovaries.

Me: No...when I press like this, it feels better, it's my-

Doc (tearing a sheet off his prescription pad): Let's get you an ultrasound.

Two weeks later:

Doc: The ultrasound is clear. That's good news.

Me: Well, I know...I think it's my hip.

Doc (tearing a sheet off his prescription pad): I think we need to do a vaginal ultrasound. Get a better look.

That, my friends, was just as fun as it sounds.

Two weeks later:

Doc: Good news! All clear.

Me: Well, it's because it's my hip.

Doc (skipping the prescription pad thing): CT scan. Just head over to radiology and they'll book it.

Me: Will that show if something's wrong with my hips?

Doc: Hips? 

Two weeks later:

Doc (scratching his chin): Well, I'm really relieved. I was concerned. But, the CT scan is all good. 

Me: Should I have my hips x-rayed?

Doc (looking stern, flipping through my chart): We should consider re-filling that antidepressant...

Me: IT'S MY HIPS

Doc (sighing, clearly at wits end with my insistence on self-diagnosis): Well, an x-ray won't hurt. 

Two weeks later:

Doc (smug): X-rays are clear. As I thought.

Me (I'm a Taurus, I'm tenacious even when I'm sleeping): It's still my hips. At this point, I was relieved that my tonsils had already been removed when I was 8.

Doc (desperate now to get rid of me): I'm going to refer you to orthopedics.

Hallelujah!  We had an HMO so he had to refer me before I could go elsewhere. The HMO thing is a whole other post...

Two weeks later:

12 year old Doc: X rays look good. Clear. No arthritis.

Me: I know that already.

12 year old Doc: Gotta have an MRI. Head over to radiology-

Me: I know, they'll book it.

Two weeks later:

I'm back with 12 year old Doc, who has yet to ask me to take off my pants. Now, as attached as I am to keeping my pants on in most situations, I thought he might want to actually examine me.

Nope. I guess they skip that in Med school these days.

I schlep in, sit in his tiny chair, and brace myself.

12 year old Doc: It's your hips.
8 Comments
William Martin link
9/23/2013 11:44:46 pm

Gotta love the doctors. It's almost as if when you walk through the door they start throwing pills at you. Pretty soon I'm sitting looking at what appears to be a hand full of Pez candies and not sure which color does what. Good post!

Reply
Sandy Dillard
9/25/2013 12:55:38 am

Sorry you have to go through the darn hip surgery again! Bummer! Maybe you should have stayed in Italy! At least the doctors might have been handsome Italian men ... older than 12! :)

Reply
Carol Cassara link
4/8/2014 07:17:59 am

Hang out a shingle. Seriously.

Reply
Kathleen
4/9/2014 03:25:25 am

I know, I should. At least then I could pay myself.

Reply
Considerer link
4/8/2014 08:11:30 am

Oh good grief. All that and the joys of dildocam...

Reply
Kathleen
4/9/2014 03:26:06 am

Dildocam! My new favorite word. You rock, Lizzie!

Reply
Diane link
4/9/2014 01:19:38 am

There's a reason they call it 'practicing' medicine. Once they get good, they do something else.

Reply
Kathleen
4/9/2014 03:26:33 am

They go into insurance. There's more money there.

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