The blogosphere will be a twitter (that's funny, I don't care who you are) with all things Oscar today. Since I only watch for the red carpet and the monologue, I'm woefully uninformed.
Rather than blather on ad nausea about how Ellen killed (she did) or that Lupita Nyong'o ruled every carpet she walked this season (she did) I thought I'd regale you instead with my view of movies past and present that got a whole lotta lovin' from everyone except from me. Some, but not all, were Oscar contenders or winners. I think. 1. Citizen Kane: My name is Kathleen and I hated this movie. It's entirely possible I didn't get it. It's also likely, given Hollywood's overblown tendency to love itself since the invention of film, that despite the kudos this film gets fifty odd years after its making, it really does suck. I dunno. I only know that I could barely stay awake. And don't think I wasn't pissed, after sitting on the edge of my seat (or almost falling off the couch after nodding off) to find out who Rosebud was, only to learn she was a sled. A sled. Citizen Crock of Shit is more like it. Disclaimer- The only thing I've ever seen Orson Welles in that I found remotely interesting was the episode of I Love Lucy where he does a Shakespeare soliloquy and his magic show at Club Babaloo and then Lucy…wait...does this make me seem like a wacko? Given that revelation, you might want to stop reading here. 2. Ghandi: The last time I saw a movie with a man in a toga that I liked, John Belushi was wearing it. I have the sensibilities of a 15 year old boy, perhaps, but this is yet another film that I suspect everyone says they love because they're afraid to say otherwise. It's Ghandi, for God's sake. Or, for Buddha's sake, or Shiva or Vishnu…whatever. Hunger strikes are a downer, what can I say? 3. The Green Mile: Remember this one? It started out as a Stephen King experiment. He sold it in installments instead of as one gigantic novel, which is weird, since every tome King puts out weighs in at about 12 pounds. Anyhoo, the movie was no different. In case you need plot points, it told the story of some guys on death row, all apparently misunderstood because I think we were supposed to feel sad they were about to get fried. Especially that one giant guy who had magical powers but not magical enough to make the movie less excruciating. It went on FOREVER. By the end I volunteered to get in the chair myself and pull my own switch. 4. The English Patient: Another film in which I prayed for death. His. 5. Most Woody Allen films: Never mind his icky personal life. We're talking film here and most of his make me nuts in the first ten minutes. First of all, he never shuts up. I think his neurotic narcissism is supposed to endear the audience to him. Instead, it makes me want to poke myself in the eye with a sharp stick. Second, he always has a hot wife or girlfriend. Or, he has a choice of hot wives or girlfriends. Clearly, its why he writes the scripts. Third, there is no third. 6. 127 Hours: That mountain climber guy who cuts his own arm off to get off the cliff. I think most of the audience would've done the same to get out of the theater. One of those based on a true story films. I've read the guy still mountain climbs. What a dumb ass. 7. Avatar: I might hate this movie because James Cameron is a pretentious dick. Yeah, that's it. 8. 12 Years a Slave- Two would've been plenty.
14 Comments
3/3/2014 12:40:55 am
I agree with some of this, disagree with others, but that's what makes for free speech and the right to our own opinions.
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Kathleen
3/3/2014 03:22:05 am
I think there's actually an Orson Welles film that I've seen that I did like…The Third Man but he wasn't in it very long…oh and the one where he plays an attorney trying to get two college boy murderers out of the death penalty…but Citizen Kane? Can't do it.
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3/3/2014 01:29:34 am
I see you left out all the good movies...Like Napoleon Dynamite. Girl with the Dragon tattoo, and Ray...all complete awesomeness...lol...
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Kathleen
3/3/2014 03:22:56 am
…because those are all movies I loved! No fun to write about those.
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Katie
3/3/2014 02:31:37 am
I keep calling 12 Years A Slave 40 Years A Slave because that's how long it felt. Woody Allen is a creeper and his movies are boring. Really, I agree with all of these.
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Kathleen
3/3/2014 03:24:09 am
Indeed! Although, I have to admit to seeing Blue Jasmine and loving Cate Blanchett but he stole my Claire Corrigan character!
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Kathleen
3/3/2014 10:27:59 am
OMG. I totally forgot that. Poor Orson. What's a Citizen Kane to do?
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Marybeth
3/3/2014 11:39:28 am
Instead of the ubiquitous thumbs up, seems you chose a different digit!
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Kathleen
3/4/2014 12:11:38 am
My favorite one, my friend!
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3/3/2014 10:02:15 pm
Somehow missed this yesterday on FB. Hilarious as always, and I now realize why your humor is so funny - you DO have the sensibilities of a 15 year old boy...and it's housed in the body of a rockin' mid-life'er! I personally loved all these movies, but cracked up at your take on them.
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Kathleen
3/4/2014 12:12:37 am
I think I'll take that as a compliment! LOL. There are a lot more really good movies that I loved but its not as fun to write about those...
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Kathleen
3/4/2014 12:53:07 am
I never like Stephen King movies. I'm a fan of most of his books but they never translate to the screen very well. Except for maybe, Carrie. I think everyone hates James Cameron…
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