Shove It Up Your...

...chicken's ass. I find it greatly improved after a meaningful probe, like so many others I could name.

I didn't make this method up. I wish I had though. It's a chicken squatting on a thingy that you put in a roaster or whatever pan, and then cook it. I think some people use beer cans. Empty? No idea. Rather than google it and use a cheap can I searched high and low for this high end (or would that be low end?) gadget. 

It's what I do.

Such was my zeal to cram this up the backside of my bird that I forgot to take a photo. But here it is:

Grab his oily, orangey, salted and peppered little self and stuff him on the Eiffel Tower. That obscene, phallic thing sticking out the top is the neck...so they say. 

I didn't like the looks of it so I did some quick accessorizing.

I'm sure there are other brands, but this is a Spanek. Note it's resemblance to the Eiffel tower. If you have to have something stuffed up your arse...might as well look like a French landmark.

Preheat your oven to 450.

First, you need to make sure the wily thing doesn't take off. Once they get a gander (that's almost a pun) at that Spanek, they're not that into it. You can see this guy was trying to make a run for it...

Remove all the gross innards that come inside your chicken. Does anyone under the age of 80 use any of that crap? I refuse to cook anything that looks like a blister.

Anyway, make sure the bird is empty. Rinse it out and off, then pat it dry with paper towels. I squeeze the juice of an orange over it and in it, then smear olive oil all over it (all sides) then shake a good dose of salt and garlic pepper everywhere. 

You can spray or oil the Spanek too, if the spirit moves you. It didn't me.

I put some herbs I had on hand to good use. 

The Spanek takes up most of the room inside the poor chicken so you've got to get creative with the bling. One must suffer for beauty though, and I think he looks quite a bit better with a bit of festive greenery around his collar.

I'm sure you agree.

Put the whole undignified mess into a pan that has at least 2 inch edges and has enough room to pour about an inch of liquid. I used an 8 inch. cast iron skillet and some chicken broth. They say (no idea who they is but they're full of advice) to keep adding liquid so your oven doesn't smoke up. I didn't, and the oven didn't. 

It was just right. Not much liquid left and all the rich, crusty bits intact on the skillet's surface.

And here he is. Handsome devil, no?

Roast at 450 for 15 minutes then turn the oven down to 350 and continue to roast for a total of 15 minutes per pound, including the initial time at 450. So, if you have a 4 pound chicken it will cook for a total of one hour. But, use your judgement. I think I cooked mine about 20 minutes a pound. If it doesn't look done, it isn't. 

Here's how I like mine. Crispy.

See those glorious drippings gathered in the skillet? That's what I'm talkin' about. Don't get rid of those! You gotta make gravy.

Pull out the withered greens and the Spanek. You can lay it on a cutting board first, and then pull it out. Using your hands (but the chicken's hot) or forks. The method I use, that never fails, is I have my hubby do it. But have at it, if you're inclined.

He took one for the team, for the benefit of all.